now in first-person, as originally written

Lying in the water, semi-dozing. I've just finished the book he sent me. At the end, I cried down the sides of my face.

Feeling the water swirl against my skin when I move. My knees and my breasts and my face above the water. Underwater. I can hear my pulse in my ears, like the rhythmic thrum of a generator.

I can feel my skin is waterlogged. Maybe if I lie here long enough, I will dissolve into the bath. Maybe if I lie here long enough, my skin will soak clean off my body. Suddenly I long to slough the soft shell of skin off, shed it like a snake. To emerge raw, and tender, and new.
So i stand in the bath and I scrub myself from head to foot. I can see swirls of soap bubbles on my side as I work my way up one arm, across my shoulder-blades and down to my other wrist.
Then lean back in the water, feel the too-hot sting and smart. I imagine hundreds of tiny abrasions on my skin. Thousands of nerve endings pricking, firing.

I have lain here so long I can't feel the difference between the water and the misty air. I lower my heel, trynig to guess when it hits the surface. I mis-judge, and open my eyes only after my toes are submerged. Then I watch ripples appear with the rise and fall of my stomach.

I cried a little into the water, my heart is still pounding in my throat.


Sookraj said...

Tears dripping into a bath. One of many great images.

I also liked the idea of dissolving into the bath, and of sloughing off old skin to emerge pink and new...

The language seems staccato though. Sentences don't flow from one another. It stumbles rather than drifts like scented steam...

Anonymous said...

I don't agree. her blog is a series of written thought. While the structure of her writing is good, its not amazing, but thats not the point. No it's not.

Sookraj said...

Maybe the style isn't the point, but it shouldn't work against the ideas.

(on a side note, the ammended first person account reads a lot better).